Leaders Meet People Where They’re At
The first weekend in July we brought home our new puppy, Anni. Anni is a rescue. She is a lab mix and is black with one tiny white spot on her chest. Like most dog owners, I want a well-mannered dog and I want it now. Anni quickly learned the commands “sit” and “down”. “Stay” is another matter. Very quickly I was reminded of one of my guiding principles: I need to meet her where she’s at.
Sound familiar? How often have we shared an idea, attempted to influence, or coached a new concept only to get nowhere. We know our thoughts, recommendations and approach are helpful and right. We push only to come up against a brick wall. In the process we may get frustrated, disgusted and/or angry. When this occurs, we need to stop and understand where the other person’s mind is at. Key to moving forward is:
“Meeting the Person Where They’re At”
What exactly does that mean – “meet people where they are at?” Simply, it is assessing a situation, understanding receptivity, and setting your expectations accordingly. How does it work in practice? Here are some guidelines:
Share frequently. Use simple, clear and concise language. Many times people use a word but it means something different to the other person. Check to make sure you are understood. Remember, people need to hear something 3 times before they understand it and 7 times before they will take action.
Gauge reaction quickly. Ask the person you are communicating with: What do you think and feel about has been shared? The answer informs you on where the person is at mentally and emotionally. Remember, non-verbal ques are just as important as words. Be sure that the verbal words and nonverbal ques are aligned.
Set your expectations. Assess the information and set your own expectations. Typically, people are in 3 camps: all the way in; half-way in; and not in at all. Identify where the person is and determine your actions. Choose a response that nurtures you and the relationship.
It is a leader’s job to recognize where people are at quickly. The quicker you understand where a person is, the better informed you are. The better informed you are, the quicker you can respond. When you find people who are “half way in” or “not there at all” consider how much energy you want to put into a task; what action is most life giving to you and how much value you place on the relationship. It is wonderful when people all are in and there is a meeting of the minds; harder is meeting people half-way; and hardest is when there is no connection at all.
Leaders are masters of taking care of relationships and most importantly themselves. Sometimes a brilliant action is just walking away from an idea or thought. It conserves your energy which can be used for other things. “Meeting People Where They’re At” is a key guiding principle. It is one leaders use to nurture others and most importantly themselves.